


Seducing Senju Hashirama

by Tuliharja



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Drama, Evil Plans, F/M, Madara in drag, Madara seducing Hashirama, Mito is totally on board with that, Mito's secret yaoi collection, Other, Parody, Trauma, angry Tobirama, the big bad evil is...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:19:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuliharja/pseuds/Tuliharja
Summary: While Madara decides to seduce Hashirama, Hashirama is scared for his life. Meanwhile, Tobirama wants to kill Madara for scaring his brother and Mito… Hmm, How is Mito involved in all this? Crackness.





	1. Plans

Madara had a plan to finally beat Hashirama and gain the Hokage's title, or make Hashirama at least give it to him, if nothing else. The idea had come to him while talking with Mito, when he had heard her complaining about rumors that concerned himself and Hashirama. Madara had also learned about the little fact that the great Senju Hashirama did apparently swing that way.

Madara had been somewhat surprised when Mito had implied it, because Hashirama hadn't ever shown such signs. But that had given him his brilliant idea of trying to seduce Hashirama, so that once Hashirama was all his, Madara could just use his influence to rule Konoha. It was the perfect plan. It couldn't fail, except, maybe, if Mito stepped in and ruined everything. But if her secret yaoi collection implied anything…the Uchiha was pretty sure Mito would most likely just squeal from happiness. Or at least Madara assumed so.

Okay, so maybe his perfect plan wasn't that perfect. It was still a good plan, so Madara still decided to carry on with it, the first step being that he would try to seduce Hashirama with his natural charm while the man worked. Except, the very moment Madara decided to execute that first step, he realized something crucial: he had never tried wooing anyone. It had always been the other way around. Of course, he had never been interested, because he'd never actually had time for any of that business.

So that was why Madara was now standing outside Mito's doorway. It was only logical that he would ask Mito for help because A) she was female B) Hashirama seemingly worshipped her, and there must be something that made that so, and C) he was sure Mito would help, because they were friends, and she still had that secret yaoi collection.

Madara knocked Mito's door which was quickly opened to reveal said woman with wide eyes full of surprise.

"Madara…what are you doing here?" she sweetly asked her friend, gesturing for him come inside.

"I…um…" Madara started as he realized as much as Mito would squeal over his and her husband's possible forbidden love, he couldn't just blurt out his plan. It was, after all, evil and not so romantic, so perhaps little white lie was in order.

"I need you to teach me how to woo someone," Madara started, causing Mito to raise an eyebrow. "It's another male…and I really-"

But before Madara could finish his explanation, Mito clapped her hands together, eyes shining in an excited manner.

"I'll teach you everything," she stated, dragging the Uchiha away with her, causing bubbling fear to well up in the pits of Madara's stomach.

He ignored that feeling though. Madara Uchiha knew no fear. What was the worst thing that could happen?

Oh Madara… You have no idea…


	2. Actions

Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Madara quickly glanced left and right. So far there wasn't anyone who could witness his humiliating state. He couldn't believe he had actually followed Mito's lead and applied make-up and dressed in this thing that was supposed to make him look "hot". He just felt like some desperate idiot, which he supposed he was, in a way. After all, pretending to be gay and wooing a man who was married, just to get power over Konoha?

‘ _How low I've sunk..._ ‘ Madara thought with sigh as he began to walk towards Hashirama's office, cursing a bit as he almost tripped fifteen times before getting to the door. Who would have thought that wearing slightly higher-heeled shoes than normal would be so hard? This made put Madara's view of women in a completely different light, and he respected them so much more. Not that he would ever admit it.

Madara knocked on the door of the Hokage's office. Hearing Hashirama's "come in" he exhaled lightly before opening it and entering. Stepping inside the Hokage's office, Madara's eyes landed on Hashirama who was buried under all kinds of documents and papers. The Hokage's table was an absolute mess and Hashirama himself looked like he hadn't eaten for days or slept for weeks.

‘ _Perfect,_ ’ Madara thought before smirking and strolling over to Hashirama's desk.

"What is it Madara?" Hashirama asked, not bothering to look up at his best friend. He had already felt Madara's chakra long before said man had knocked on the door to his office.

"Oh nothing. I just thought I should drop by and help you relax, _Hashi-sama_ ," Madara answered in a light tone, causing Hashirama to spill his ink all over the paper he had been working for the past hour.

Surprised from the tone of his friend's voice and the words spoken, Hashirama finally lifted his gaze to the dark man and gasped. Madara had tied his spiky long-hair into high ponytail, colored his lips with lipstick that was somewhere near peach color, applied some mascara and even slipped into dress that was few sizes too small. All color drained from the Senju's face as he only could stare his friend that had dressed like some drag.

"Well?" Madara asked, raising his brow as he leaned over his desk, revealing a good glimpse of his well-built chest. This made Hashirama quickly move back as much as he could only to be followed by Madara who just leaned more over the desk. The Senju could now even see that Madara was sporting pair of scarlet, red high heels.

"Hashi-sama?" Madara cooed as he grasped a piece of Hashirama's long dark hair between his fingers, and the man noticed Madara's fingernails were also painted scarlet red.

Turning his dark eyes to Madara's even darker ones, Hashirama realized he was trembling as Madara's mouth twisted into something someone could call smile. Although, in Hashirama's eyes, it looked more like a predator's smirk.

"I can make you feel _good_ , if you just let me," Madara whispered in a husky tone, leaning a bit more towards his friend who could only stare at Madara wordlessly. But as soon as Hashirama finally got his voice back, the whole office was filled with the Hokage's not-so-manly scream of terror, so loud it alerted several ninjas.

One of them being Senju Hashirama's dear brother Tobirama.


	3. Revelations

Tobirama had been teaching his students when he heard the scream. A scream which he could still recognize as his brother's even thought it was higher pitched than normal. This made his eyes widen a bit from shock as his brother never screamed. Maybe shouted or roared, but never-ever screamed. So that's why he quickly told his students that today's class was over, before rushing toward the Hokage's office to help his brother as his heart beat a little faster in terror. What could be so terrifying it would make his brother scream? He just couldn't come up with any logical answer. He eventually arrived in front of the Hokage's office where several other shinobis had already appeared.

Quickly pushing the shinobis away, Tobirama made his way to his brother's office door just to stop in his track. In there, half on top of the Hokage's desk and half on top of Hashirama, was Madara dressed as a woman. Blinking in shock, Tobirama just stared for a moment at the situation before his eyes darkened in rage. In that moment, all rational thinking went out the window as he started a series of handseals, deciding to drown the filthy Uchiha. It was only understandable that he would wash away the dirt to clean his brother. Quickly a huge wave formed out of nowhere and hit against the Uchiha that didn't manage to do anything to stop the sudden attack, yet Tobirama hadn't counted in his angered mind he would also hit his brother. This made the duo crash through the window and straight down to the pavement below.

Luckily Hashirama had managed to snap out of his state of shock by the time Tobirama launched his attack toward them, summoning few roots to catch both him and Madara. Otherwise Konoha's road would have had two spots that were the Hokage and Uchiha Madara once. Shivering and panting slightly, Hashirama quickly glanced toward Madara who appeared to be fine, except his make-up had now messed up his face, making him look like a cross between a sad panda and a clown.

"I'll kill you, you damn Uchiha!" Hashirama heard his brother roar from somewhere above of them, making him sweatdrop, before groaning. He was sure his brother would indeed try to kill Madara, and even though Hashirama had at first gotten surprised by the Uchiha, he still wouldn't let Tobirama kill him.

So when the paler Senju jumped down, his blade ready to strike Madara down, Hashirama quickly leaped between Tobirama and Madara.

"Stop it Tobirama! You're NOT going to kill that man!" Hashirama ordered as the younger brother narrowed his eyes at him.

"Man? You're calling that drag over there a man?" Tobirama hissed as Madara finally got up, brushing his face.

"Shut up Senju. This 'drag' over here can still handle your ass by single jutsu," Madara bit back, clearly annoyed and in an upset tone which only made Tobirama grit his teeth together, angrily.

"I would like-…" Tobirama started in a challenging manner, only to go silent as his brother gave him a stern look that told him to be quiet.

After that, Hashirama turned to Madara who was still rubbing away the make-up.

"Madara," Hashirama started as the Uchiha stopped rubbing and looked at him. "What…I…just what the hell?"

The older Senju asked, making both Tobirama and Madara blink in utter shock and confusion to Hashirama. Neither of them had known Hashirama could curse or use such language he had just used.

"We-well…you see…" Madara started as he quickly let his bangs cover both of his eyes as he avoided Hashirama's look as he crossed his arms front of himself.

"You know I love you like another brother, but for heaven's sake! I've a wife! A beautiful one that is extremely talented and-…" Hashirama started babbling just to get cut by Madara's glare as he wiped some of his bangs away from his face.

"Then why did your wife tell me, that you swing that way?" he shot back, making Hashirama blink his eyes as Madara crossed his arms in front of himself, starting to sulk. "She even has a secret yaoi collection."

"Mito told you what?!" Hashirama asked, now a bit shocked as Tobirama quickly came next to his brother.

"Don't believe him brother! This is just one of Madara's schemes to get the power over the village!" Tobirama warned his brother as the Uchiha shot Tobirama dark look.

"Well, I WAS going to charm Hashirama and get the power that way, but what I said about Mito is true!" Madara argued now back, sulking manner like a little kid.

"Why would Mito lie about such thing?" Tobirama asked now as Madara resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Well, maybe because-…" Madara started, but was cut as Hashirama nearly shouted 'stop', making both Madara and Tobirama look once again him.

"I won't listen to such accusations when my wife isn't even he-…" Hashirama started when he spotted a vibrant red. Quickly rushing down from the root he had created, he appeared next to Mito. "Mito!"

"Hello Hashirama," his wife greeted him with a small amused look in her eyes. "How has your day been?"

Hashirama merely looked at Mito as both Tobirama and Madara appeared near them.

"Mito! Tell Hashirama you said he swings that way!" Madara demanded while Tobirama demanded Mito to tell Madara was lying.

Mito merely watched the duo shouting at her before they eventually started threatening each other in an extremely heated manner. In all the silence Hashirama pieced few things together, grabbing Mito's arm.

"Mito…" he started seriously, making Mito turn her eyes to him. "Why?"

"Hmm…" Mito said now, tapping her chin with her free hand as Tobirama and Madara stopped their argument to hear Mito's answer.

"I was tired of all the rumors," she eventually answered which made Hashirama lift his brow in questionable manner.

"What rumors?" he asked as Mito seemingly wouldn't continue her clause as Mito merely let out a smirk.

"Oh you know…you and Madara," she started, wrapping her arms around her husband's neck as her lips curled like a cat's that had just catch their prey. "I just wanted cut the wings of the rumors about you two. Besides, I was feeling bored."

She merely replied before letting go of her husband. She then started walking back to their shared home, while waving her hand to the three men who gulped nervously. None of them dared to shout at Mito and accuse her, because that little moment when she had held Hashirama they had all felt a deadly aura from her.

Shivering slightly, Madara looked at Hashirama.

"You picked one hell of a woman, Hashirama," Madara muttered. And for once, Tobirama agreed with the Uchiha, nodding his head vigorously.

Blinking his eyes Hashirama looked at the duo before bursting into a booming laugh, making both Madara and Tobirama think only one thing about him at the same time: _Idiot._


End file.
